For me feeling is a notion that i became aware of as an early teen. I had to notice it. It was that apparent. Not because of me. I'm not special. I'm like any other person. The difference was made when four boys were messing around with fireworks. It was five nights before 1968 became 1969, the year of the famous Apollo 11 moon landing. I was asleep in my bed, three years old. We lived in a nabour hood with simple housing. Blocks of two and each block separated from the next block by a thin alley. The four boys tried to tie four pieces of firework by intertwining the fuses into one fuse. They lit the fuse and tossed the projectile in for them a random alley. It was the alley next to our house for me. With two high walls and a floor made from brick, the sound of the blast could'nt escape. Only through both ends of the alley and into the sky. The blast was loud, magnefied by the closed antics of the alley. It woke me, shook me beyond startling. I was terryfied, crying my eyes out. My mom tried to comfort me. But the damage had already taken place. Each person who startles freezes, even more if it goes beyond startling. When a person startles, he does the same as everyone does: he takes a deep breath, freezing up a little more inside. So did i and by doing so i increased my internal air pressure. I did'nt know this at the time, leaving me no chance to undo it. It resulted in a tighter connection with all liquid iron particles in my body, thus letting me feel deeper in my energy than i normally would have. So deep that i had to be aware of it, but leaving me with no opportunity to understand what i felt.
More than fifty years i had no idea about my way of feeling what i felt. I was aware of it all, i learned that it had an advantage, but also that it bothered me, limiting me. I was left without answers. Until early fall in 2016. Early that year i took my first steps in the world of Tantra and some steps they were. First i had no idea what i had gotten into. I found myself in an old farmhouse, way behind on maintenance. I saw stuffed animal dolls seven foot high. I saw a lady in a long wihte robe. I saw purple reclining cinema benches on both sides of the dance floor. I saw waxine lights burning on the dance floor. The next day i felt glorious. As if anything was possible in my ife. As if nothing could tear my life apart. It lasted close to two weeks. Knowing that Tantra had giving me that feeling, i practiced more Tantra. I went to a four day festival, i went to Tantric dance events. But the glorious feeling did'nt return. When i was practicing Tantra i met lots of people. All searching their own truth, undergoing rituals and workshops with wisdom garnered from all over the world. Asian traditions, Sjamanic rituals and the ancient wisdom of the native americans. It led me to the point that made me realise that mankind was searching, searching for thousands of years. It dawned on me that if mankind is searching for that long and still is out there searching, it means they haven't found, and if they haven't found they lack answers. I was searching for that glorious feeling and i did'nt find it. If man did'nt have answers and if i was lost for answers, than who has answers? It shook my being, my life, my world. No answers. Not documented. Not in ancient scriptures. No old, wise man in the Himalaya mountains. It took my strive to make something out of my life away from me. How can i do what i wanted to do so dearly if i had no idea how to do it, if i lacked the desperatly needed answers? I stopped striving. From that moment on life happened as it unfolded, without me intervening. It gave space to explore what caught my curiosity. I gave being a Lightworker a chance. I looked in the kitchen of spirituality. I found my path and i walked it until it lead me to where i am now. I used my feelings to learn the mechanics of threat, of pain, of fear, humilitation, intimidation and more. I learned by feeling how planets were created, and all there is to know about the energy of life and life itself. This website is the result of what i feel. It's up to you to find out what you feel in every aspect and than you will know if you felt the same as i am fortunate to feel. Feeling brought me where i am today. It even brought back that glorious feeling that set me on the path that i chose, the path that made me find my own answers.
In spite of our vocabulary regarding what we feel, we can only feel one thing: threat. Not happiness. Not jealousy. Not sadness. Not even anger or frust. Our energy is an alarm system and only gives of a code red when there's a theat. Detecting threat was easy in the early days, when we lived in nature, in the wild. Threats consisted of weather, animals like bears and wolves and humans. That has changed over thousands of years. Human interactions have gotten more complex. Especially when we started using language in our daily live. It gave us more clarity about ourselves, about live, but it complicated life in the same ratio. As if language gave us a multitude of layers about basically everything. But how to deal with all that we feel?
The first principle involves nine steps. Five steps that's telling us about a pain or fear. Pain of fear never anounces itself. It comes to life inside you, ignited by an interaction, by what you see, by what you hear. The first of the nine steps is that what can hurt you is there. The second step is that it can be used to hurt you. You don't know that in advance. The third step is that it has been used to hurt you, because now you know, you feel the hurt. Step four is that you were forced to be hurt. You did'nt see it coming and you had no means to prevent it. The fifth step is that you, therefore, were hurt. The last four steps are about you. Step one is that you let yourself getting hurt. Step two is that you, therefore, couldn't help yourself. Step three is that you couldn't be who you really are and, step four, that you had to abandon your true being, yourself.
The second principle is the principle of elimination. Now that we know that we can only feel threat, we can use that feeling to find our way in this mace of threats. Threat is not about one thing or about a small portion of things, it's about a vast number of all that has the ability to gives us that feeling. But how does elimination work? First there's the feeling. That's always the starting point. It can not be influenced and it can't be controlled. When the feeling is present the first step we have to take is to establish the subject that gives us that feeling. It's like searching in a tray of cards, each card with its own subject written on it. Your just go through it and by the time the feeling of threat arises you know: that's the subject. Then you need to know what part of that subject seems to threaten you. So, you search in the next tray of cards and when the feeling of threat appears you know what that part is. The next thing you wanna know is what it is that threatens you. What's wrong with that subject and that specific section. To find the answers it requires insight in your own life, your relationship, your work, your financials. It can be anything, especially what is playing now, in the present or in the very recent past, yesterday or the day before yersterday. Let me illustrate the explanation with an example. In the first step you search for the subject, so you search: relation? No. Work? No. Financials? Yes, the feeling of threat arises. Then you search the section in your financials: Income? No. Stock market? No. Mortgage? Yes. Then you feel about the previous days or maybe the last month. Finding what happened regarding your financials. At some point you realise that you've had some benefits. A Christmas bonus, you've won a decent price in the lottery, whatever it is you feel that there's an opportunity in your monthly mortgage payments. You can pay a little more for, say, two or three months. Important is to keep on feeling how much more you can pay without getting into trouble with other payments, your electricity bills, your groceries and so on.
Feeling threat is the only key in obtaining answers and solutions. The principle is a black and white one, because there's threat or there's nothing, but it takes practice to feel the nuances. The feeling of threat does'nt always direct you. Feeling nothing can lead you to answers just as much. Later on feeling nothing can mean that you're just plain wrong and that you have to do better. When you start feeling it's as if your energy helps you, subtle, with a little more clarity in what you feel. The feelling of threat clearer, even sharper, but also feeling nothing more apparent. Gradually getting better at feeling it wil get more refined, more fine-tuned.
The principles as explained gives you the means to verify all that you feel in threefold. The first principle gives you conformation of all that you did, your actions, your choices and more. It's secretly a ninety step proces, because it's initially a nine step proces, but all pains and fears, all illisions have ten faces and ten times nine is ninety. With the second principle you can feel the smallest details regarding every subject in your live, about life and about you.
